We demand a recount.
Certainly Ohio belongs in the list of top spots where Santa Claus could relocate in case the North Pole melts, but our state was ranked at No. 10. Seriously?
Estately, a national real estate online search site, set out to determine the best states where Santa could relocate when polar ice caps melt.
Rankings were based on Santa-specific criteria such as number of cookie stores per capita, habitat suitable for reindeer, manufacturing jobs, and enthusiasm for eggnog.
Ryan Nickum, a writer with Estately, a national real estate search site, offered an explanation of Ohio’s No. 10 ranking.
“Cookies are abundant in Ohio, and with the way people in Ohio tailgate, Santa would be ensured there would be little judgment when his belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly. Ohio was narrowly edged out by Michigan, primarily because it has more forests for reindeer and more eggnog enthusiasm. If each Ohioan would plant two trees and commit themselves to increased eggnog consumption, the state could fly up the chart,” he noted.
RELATED: Area children ready for Santa to make the big move to Ohio
Ah, yes, but here comes the Santa clause: “One factor Estately didn’t consider when we wrote this is that Ohio already has a small elf population — Brownie the Elf [the Cleveland Browns’ mascot] which old Scrooge Art Modell got rid of back in the 1960s. Since the elf returned in 1999 it can be argued that Ohio offers the most elf-positive environment for the workers in Santa’s workshop. Clearly this factor would have moved Ohio far up the rankings had we considered it.
“We sincerely regret this error, and while we can’t go back and change our rankings we’re sure Santa and his elves are well aware of this and probably have Ohio atop their rankings for states to move to.”
Best state for Santa: Washington. Last is Hawaii. For reasons obvious. It’s Santa, not Sandy, Claus. And reindeer wear silver bells, not necklaces of foo-foo flowers.
Washington ranked No. 1 because, as Estately puts it, “When it comes to eggnog consumption, there’s no state that’s more enthused for this alcoholic holiday beverage than the Evergreen State. Santa should have no trouble creating holiday cheer by imbibing with others in this classic cocktail. Also, his reindeer can mingle with the small numbers of caribou (very similar species) who wander down from Canada to roam a small section of eastern Washington.”
Might we argue, however, that Ohio shines with its hundreds of residents who have last names of Santa, Clause, or Christmas. We even have a town named Rudolph.
And, we have a special place in northwest Ohio where Santa could settle: Sauder Village in Archbold where “places like our woodworking shop would be a great place for Santa’s elves to hang out and make wooden toys for all the good girls and boys (along with our skilled woodworkers) and they’d probably enjoy hanging out with our other craftsmen as well,” explained Kim Krieger, Sauder Village spokesman.
Plus, she noted, “Reindeer would certainly feel at home in one of the historic barns — hanging out with some cows, pigs, sheep. There’s certainly a spacious room available at the Heritage Inn for Santa and Mrs. Claus to stay and relax. After that whirlwind trip on Christmas Eve the jolly couple would certainly enjoy swimming in our indoor pool and relaxing in the hot tub as it snows and blows outside. And our skilled bakers at the Doughbox Bakery could certainly supply plenty of homemade cookies to fill Jolly Old St. Nick’s belly (after they’ve enjoyed a big, homestyle meal of mashed potatoes, chicken, roast beef, and homemade pie at the Barn Restaurant).”
But wait, there’s more. Just ask him. As part of the Toledo Zoo’s magical, marvelous light show, Santa is making appearances in the Great Hall of the zoo’s Museum of Science building through Tuesday; after that, Santa has things to do, places to go.
And get this: He brought along real, live reindeer. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen can be seen in the zoo’s Broadway Pavilion until Christmas Eve.
After making their appointed rounds, the reindeer will return to the zoo because, as zoo spokesman Andi Norman shared, the reindeer are having so much fun that they want to stay a few more days through Jan. 4, the last day for the zoo’s Lights Before Christmas.
Speaking of, Ohio has reindeer aplenty, raised by some Ohioans who belong to the Reindeer Owners and Breeders Association, a group that proclaims on its website: “Reindeer .... Not just for Santa anymore.”
Dedicated to the advancement of public awareness of reindeer, the association supplies its membership with reindeer education, research, and conservation. These goals help to develop and enhance the abilities of members to maintain healthy herds and reindeer business operations.
Setting aside our No. 10 ranking ... we must point out that the reindeer association’s website includes a message for the holidays and beyond: “No act of kindness, to any living thing, is ever wasted.”
Contact Janet Romaker at: jromaker@theblade.com or 419-724-6006.
First Published December 21, 2014, 5:00 a.m.
