Mystery of the Universe No. 11,385: Why do those so-called politically incorrect, grossed- out, dumbed-down, blow-to-the-head, Chris Farley-Chris Rock-David Spade-Adam Sand- ler comedies - after spending 80 minutes beating supporting characters to a pulp, cheerfully reinforcing stereotypes, and generally behaving like an 11-year-old boy full of fudge and orange soda - suddenly transform into mawkish, unwatchable, dare I say soft, ABC After-School Specials in their final minutes, full of lessons learned and tinkling poignant pianos?
I can handle the excessive flatulence. I can even stomach 15-minute sketches padded with 80 minutes of third-rate material about uptight white people. But my heart sinks when I sense that inevitable free fall coming. And it always comes. Doesn't anyone have the guts of a Mel Brooks? Could it be these bad boys are mama's boys? Or could it be that these comedies, chests puffed out and all talk as long as the box office is humming, are not willing to burn off their brakes and careen into dangerous territory? Consider Malibu's Most Wanted the latest perpetrator. Sadly, it be frontin', dog.
Ten minutes before Jamie Kennedy's self-styled star vehicle transforms into a tender drama with Ryan O'Neal (no kidding) about a misunderstood son and the workaholic father who never had time for him, Korean convenience store owners and their 5-year-old sons, the crudest caricatures, are cheerfully drawing guns on a white boy with more bling-bling than an MC Hammer yard sale. Five minutes after that, a Humvee smashes through the living room of a South Central Los Angeles gang crib, then a teen pulls his father's ancient musket on the occupants. He's followed by a Latina with a harpoon, then an Arab cradling a rocket launcher he acquired from his Uncle Ahmet. Then we get the “kum ba ya” fluffiness.
If I may quote the film's love interest, Shondra (Regina Hall), who has very good advice: “You've just gotta stick with it and be yourself and don't let anybody tell you who you are.”
In real-work speak: Who is fooled when 80 minutes of stereotype suddenly reveals itself to contain a heart? Is anyone ever touched by these scenes? My guess is the opposite becomes true: Stereotypes that seemed like satire, played against all that cheese, start feeling truer than anything else. If only Kennedy had paid attention to the words of one of his three screenwriters. They wrote, ironically, a movie about being yourself. The model is Steve Martin's The Jerk and its cheerful story of a rhythmless white man who insists he was “born a poor black child.” Kennedy's character was developed first for his WB show, JKX: The Jamie Kennedy Experience. The character is Brad Gluckman, a.k.a. B-Rad, the rich son of a gubernatorial candidate who relates more to South Central and Fubu than Malibu and Banana Republic.
The plot: Dad (O'Neal) is so concerned about his son becoming a Gucci visor-wearing embarrassment on the campaign trail that he hires two suburban African-American actors (Taye Diggs and Anthony Anderson) to kidnap B-Rad and “scare the black out of him.” There's some inspired stuff here, mostly from Diggs and Anderson, who play fussy, classically trained actors so unhip they have to flip through slang dictionaries to figure out the meaning of “wack” (“weak, or of poor quality”). The incredibly sad irony, of course - and one hinted at in the film, in fact - is that these talented African-American actors are now stuck in a bad movie playing talented African-American actors hired to play gangstas.
Diggs and Anderson capture the prissy nature of second-rate actors, always switched on and ready to impress. If the movie weren't so good natured, the fundamental offensiveness of the story would probably stick out like a pink poodle. Because basically, this is a film built on the idea that it's funny when black and white people don't behave like stereotypes. Never mind that Kennedy and Co. don't seem aware that their best bits come from the dividing line between rich and poor; and I'm not sure you can have stereotypes in a movie when you don't have a character with a recognizable human trait.
The tired racial differences thing has been playing out in multiplexes all winter, from Bringing Down to the House to Head of State. There's probably another satire in here, too, about white kids appropriating black culture. But before you can reach out and catch hold of those promising threads, it's back to the grind factory.
The Simpsons long ago said everything Malibu's Most Wanted has to say on the cliches about differences between black and white people.
In Episode IF10, Homer watches a generic standup routine on television. “Yo check this out,” the comedian says. “Black guys drive cars like this: `Do-do-ch, do-be-do.' But white guys, see, they drive like this: `Dee-da-dee, dee-da-dee.' ”
Homer cracks up. “It's true, it's true! We're so lame!”
First Published April 18, 2003, 11:35 a.m.
