toledoblade.com --

Their stories are different, but their losses are much the same: sons, brothers, and friends who died not by accident or disease but at their own hands.

Debbie Holmes' 29-year-old son hung himself after two auto accidents left him dependent on painkillers.

Jodi Hepler's older brother shot himself after years of threatening to take his life.

Shelly Savory's 19-year-old son took an overdose of medication prescribed for bipolar disorder.

For each of the Toledo-area women, finding a way to heal after suicide invaded their lives and families has been challenging.

Ms. Hepler, now the area coordinator for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and her husband, Clay, have been working to make sure everyone who has lost someone to suicide has somewhere to turn.

James Karasek, Rescue Mental Health Services' chief executive officer, said the effort is long overdue. Lucas County is one of the last in Ohio to form a community coalition focused on suicide prevention and education, he said.

"Prevention is pretty lacking," Mr. Karasek said. "Rescue is here if someone is having thoughts of suicide or hurting other people, but people aren't really aware of the signs of suicide. The coalition is really forming to do some of that."

Ms. Hepler said little support was available after her brother,

Jack Hull, took his life in 2006 at age 47. She said she could hardly leave her home for six months, but ultimately channeled her anger and sadness into helping others who have lost someone to suicide.

She and her husband started an annual Out of the Darkness walk in Toledo in 2007 intended as a day of healing for survivors of suicide and a fund-raiser for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Then they started a peer support group for people who have lost someone to suicide that meets monthly at Sylvania Township's Mayberry Senior Community Center.

Ms. Hepler said she and her husband had been married only a couple of months when her brother, an old friend of her husband, killed himself. "I had to start a walk. I had to do something positive or it might have ruined my marriage," she said.

Not everyone is able to address their grief head on.

Ms. Holmes, who helped revive a local chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving after her son, George, was struck by a drunk driver at age 16, admits she's been unable to accept his suicide. George survived a second drunken-driving crash in 2005, but his mother believes the pain medication he took along with his "not wanting to be a burden" prompted him to take his own life in January, 2008. "I haven't accepted it. I can't. I don't know how," Ms. Holmes said. "I still want him to come home."

Ms. Holmes said she feels like she's lost two sons since George's suicide. Not long after, his brother, James Holmes, attempted suicide and, a month later, robbed a local Speedway with a pellet gun. He is in prison.

Ms. Holmes and her daughter-in-law, Jaime Holmes, said they are convinced James was trying to come to terms with his brother's death and attempting "suicide by cop" when he robbed the gas station. The husband and father of four young children had not been in trouble with the law before the holdup, his wife said.

"He had a good way of hiding it," Jaime Holmes said. "He didn't ever seem to be depressed. He was always laughing, always smiling."

Ms. Savory has had two years to process the death of her son, Thomas Woods, who she called T.J. "You never get over it, but you have to get on with your life," she said.

She turned to the Survivors of Suicide Bereavement Group, which meets at All Saints Lutheran Church in South Toledo.

Sharon Donatelli, a grief counselor who facilitates the group, lost her mother to suicide and knows the value of having someone to talk to who understands.

"When you lose someone you love - it can even be a pet - what I've noticed is almost everyone finds something to feel guilty about," she said. "With survivors of suicide, it's so clear what everyone feels guilty about and it's so much out of their hands and it's so strong compared to other grief and loss."

The bereavement group is hosting its annual candlelight memorial service at 7:30 p.m. Dec. 21 at All Saints Lutheran Church in memory of loved ones lost to suicide. It is open to the public.

Ms. Hepler invited persons touched by suicide to log on to a 90-minute live Webcast at 1 p.m. today as part of the 11th annual National Survivors of Suicide Day. Viewers may register on the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's Web site, www.afsp.org/survivorconference. The Webcast will be available for viewing in the future.

Contact Jennifer Feehan at:
jfeehan@theblade.com
or 419-724-6129.

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