This is an open letter to my best friend on his wedding day:
Dear Evan,
This is one of the most difficult choices I’ve ever had to make.
For years we talked about this day. You are about to marry the love of your life, your soulmate, your rock, your ultimate confidant.
And now I won’t be there to witness it.
In every sense of ideal circumstance, I would be there for you, right by your side, as you say ‘I do’ to Taylor at 4 p.m. Saturday.
This other-worldly circumstance brought to us by the coronavirus pandemic is keeping me away from the greatest day of your life thus far.
This hurts.
I have a sinking feeling knowing I had to back out of being your best man. I’m writing this with the heaviest of hearts. I did not want to make the call to stay away from your wedding day. But, as we learn more about what this health crisis can bring to people like me with heart issues, I have to limit being out in the public eye as much as possible. This one was also doctor’s orders, coming straight from the office.
And even with all of the strict safety protocols in place that we went over and will be enforced at the ceremony and reception, being out in public is something that I, personally, have not yet grown back into since this all started in March. That’s what this all boils down to. It’s all frustrating, to note the minimum of emotions I’m feeling as I write this.
On to the sappy parts.
We have been best friends since our dads introduced us in the second grade. We have spent countless hours in video game chats, at the Café, at your mom’s house (sorry for being so loud, Susan), at my dad’s house, and many, many other places in between. We have been through girlfriends, break ups, moves, apartments, colleges, fights, make-ups, jobs, fantasy football leagues – everything, in our nearly two decades of friendship and brotherhood.
Your wedding is going to be spectacular. The backdrop of the farm venue is gorgeous, and the celebration is going to be one to remember.
Man, this best-man speech I crafted was either going to rock the house, embarrass the ever-living crap out of you, or ideally, both.
Having a microphone and a public domain to share YOUR story for a brief amount of time, while mildly roasting you, is something I wanted to do. Maybe one day I’ll have the opportunity to share the full context of what I wanted to publicly say, but what I can say for now in this word space is a snapshot of it.
This, of course, is about more than a speech about our friendship.
This speech was not going to be a generic ‘Evan and I used to do CRAZY things! We’ve been through SO many memories!’ speech. I am honored to say that I am able to testify for the love you two share and have built, which is something I’m very proud of. My goal was to highlight the love and the unbreakable bond that brought you two to this day.
I am in an amazingly unique position in that I am also great friends with your bride. Taylor and I have our own long history since we were introduced by [redacted] many years ago. I consider her one of my best friends and certainly among the few people outside of my immediate family that I have the utmost amount of trust in.
I’ve seen you two at your highest and at your lowest. The peaks and valleys. I’ve been there through the big moves, and I’ve been there when things weren’t so hot and the vibe of the relationship was discouraging. I’ve seen you in just about every emotional state throughout our lives. Elated. Happy. Timid. Nervous. Melancholy. Upset. Angry. Sad. Mostly, though, stubborn.
Here comes the brief, mildly embarrassing part: Your courtship of Taylor was not easy at first. I know it. You know it. She definitely knows it. I’ll reserve monstrous details and just say that you tried really, really, hard to make Taylor your girlfriend when it first started out. But, it worked. If you’ve ever taught me anything, it’s that persistence is key.
OK, the embarrassing part is over.
Through the numerous battles from working your relationship out in our freshman year of college while she was a senior in high school, to transferring to IUP to be with her and finish out your degrees together, to bouncing from relatives’ house to relatives’ house, then getting your own rental house, and now, you two are building upon the foundation in your own, beautiful home with your two pups, … Holy cow, I am blown away.
Your relationship with your soon-to-be wife is a prime example of how love can conquer any trial. I cannot eloquently explain how it feels, because I have not had that feeling encompass me yet, but I know I’m seeing it here. The goal never changed, the intent never soured, and the purpose remained positive even through times of strife. You two always found a way. You two never gave up. You two always did your best for each other. I admire that, and if I’m honest, I’m slightly envious of that, too. That’s a feeling that I hope to experience some day once I meet that person.
I’m immensely proud of you for the man you have become and are still growing to become. As you and Taylor embark on the next chapter of your lives (speech cliché!) I know that you’re going to be the best husband, patriarch, father, and person that she could ask for. Your marriage may not be all roses all the time, but as long as you maintain those goals, the intent, and the purpose, it certainly won’t be as much of a gravel road as it could be.
I cannot express in words how much I value and appreciate our friendship. If there is a lesson to people-not-named-Evan reading this, I want it to be that you’re allowed to feel how you want to feel during these trying times. We are all operating under once-in-a-century circumstances, and whether you have a family member, friend, acquaintance, or anybody in your life who is being brought down by these circumstances, please understand their struggles, too. Find yourself an Evan, if you haven’t yet.
Evan, I cannot thank you enough for being so understanding and empathetic to me about this situation. When I had to confront you about the wedding you were upset at first, and you had every right to be. I’m still not ready for public events, and you were very understanding of that idea. At the end of the day, it takes a village to do this, and I look forward to being there for you and Taylor for many more years to come. You have a wonderful human side to you, and Taylor brings out that best part of you.
You’re a brother to me. That will never change. I never want that to change. I am unbelievably honored and privileged to have been selected as your best man. Taylor told me the reasons why I was chosen. I was, and am still, thrilled to the moon over it. I’ve said it enough in person, but, thank you.
Love you, brother. Have a day. See you after the honeymoon. Cheers to the next chapter in a beautiful story.
Love, Corey.
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First Published September 4, 2020, 7:00 p.m.