Gabrielle MacKinnon wasn’t exactly keeping it secret that she is gay and has a wife, but she felt she needed to keep a low profile on that part of her life if she wanted to continue as a rowing coach for the Notre Dame Academy.
For three years she succeeded and coached for the Catholic school without incident, all while fearing what the reaction would be from her rowing students and their families if they discovered the truth about her. And then it appeared her fears were coming to pass when rowing head coach Catherine Sprague-Manrow informed her last week that a parent contacted Notre Dame Athletic Director Gary Snyder.
It turns out, someone was concerned that one of the school coaches was in a same-sex marriage, which goes against the magisterial teachings of the Catholic Church.
Mrs. MacKinnon wasn’t sure if her “secret” was out, if she could quietly hide who she was and continue coaching — or if she even wanted to. By Sunday, she decided the best way to avoid a fuss about the matter was to come clean to Notre Dame officials and resign. She sent a letter to them and then crafted another one informing her rowing students and their parents about the matter.
“I just figured, ‘Might as well say it: I am gay. I am proud.’ And, you know, that's just who I am,” Mrs. MacKinnon said. And to her surprise, she received an outpouring of support from her rowers and families.
“I mean, I obviously knew they cared, but it's just like, it's a whole wave of emotions that I'm feeling that is just killing me.”
Notre Dame officials confirmed to The Blade that Mrs. MacKinnon resigned because of “personnel issues” but declined to comment further. In an email to parents, Mr. Snyder described her as an excellent coach, adding he appreciates everything she did for the program. He added that he understood many rowers are hurting because they love and will miss her.
“I know that many of you are surprised, saddened, and angry that Coach Gabbey resigned and for the reason that she resigned,” he wrote. “I too was surprised and saddened to receive her resignation. I did not have any discussions directly with Coach Gabbey about any of this and I also did not ask her to resign.”
But Mrs. MacKinnon said attempts to avoid controversy failed, in part because some came to falsely believe Mrs. MacKinnon was pressured to resign by school officials — something she spent Monday trying to clarify before things got out of hand.
But as her resignation email to rowers and parents was shared — with subject lines such as “Notre Dame Academy Asks Gay Coach to Step down” — talks about protests started while others shared criticisms of Mr. Snyder and other academy staff members.
Not that she doesn’t feel anger and frustration herself, but Mrs. MacKinnon said Mr. Snyder “has been nothing but respectful to me throughout my coaching career,” and added “He does not deserve to be yelled at or asked to resign.”
Notre Dame parent Diane Hsia, who helps run the school rowing club, said Tuesday that some parents wanted to protest outside of the school while others wanted to storm the school principal’s office upon learning about Mrs. MacKinnon’s resignation.
Although she’s spoken against such confrontations with school officials, Ms. Hsia also doesn’t believe Mrs. MacKinnon’s sexual orientation or same-sex marriage should have become an issue. She added that the school has a posted inclusion statement that claims officials are committed to welcoming all races, religions, ethnicities, nationalities, and sexual orientations, adding she doesn’t believe the school or diocese is living up to it with Mrs. MacKinnon.
“As parents, we want to understand what led to how this all even came up, and [they] need to explain this inclusion statement to us,” she said. “This doesn't feel like inclusion.”
So far, she said she’s messaged school officials but hasn’t heard back from them.
Mrs. MacKinnon, meanwhile, said she is more upset with the Diocese of Toledo and the Catholic Church as a whole for not being more open minded. As someone who grew up Catholic, attended Notre Dame, and rowed for the school before graduating from there in 2011, she said it’s hurtful that she’s been made to feel that she isn’t accepted because of who she’s married to.
Rules of the church
Mrs. MacKinnon admits she’s not sure if she would have been forced to resign had she stayed on, but past actions led her to believe it was likely. In 2013 an alumna’s invitation to speak at the school’s May Crowning event was revoked because of her marriage engagement to another woman. And in 2019 Notre Dame chaperones forced eighth graders to leave a live performance of The Nutcracker in Chicago that portrayed two of the parents in the story as gay married men.
Kelly Donaghy, senior director of communications for the Catholic Diocese of Toledo, said in general the diocese does not discriminate based on sexual orientation, adding she could not comment specifically on Mrs. MacKinnon’s situation. But how a school employee handles their different beliefs and lifestyles from Catholic teachings — and how public they make those differences — could lead to school officials stepping in.
“If it is a public matter and it is in direct conflict with the teachings, then we would definitely have a conversation about it and ... whether it's appropriate to continue employment with a Catholic institution,” she said. “It's difficult because every scenario is different and for every hypothetical there's conversations that need to take place.
“We don't discriminate on sexual orientation. The Catholic teaching is that the marriage is between a man and a woman, and that's where the conversation arises,” she added.
Mrs. MacKinnon said Notre Dame officials weren’t aware she had gotten married in October of 2021 and that her dating life wasn’t well known. She had helped coach the rowing team in 2016 while a student at the University of Toledo and returned to the role in 2019.
She had mostly succeeded in keeping her two lives separate but opened up privately to some parents who saw her outside of coaching. One parent was relatively close to her father, and so Mrs. MacKinnon revealed her double life. After Mrs. MacKinnon and her wife saw a rower and parent out, the coach opened up as well rather than lie.
“I was like, ‘You know what, I'm just going to introduce them,’ and the mom was so excited,” Mrs. MacKinnon said. “She's like, ‘Thank you so much for letting me know all this.’
“But I was like, ‘Please don't say anything to anyone all this,’” she added.
This fall season, she said students during practice saw that she had on her wedding rings on and began peppering her with questions. Having become established as a coach and worked with many of them, Mrs. MacKinnon came clean.
“I was like, ‘You know what? Screw it.’ And I was like, ‘Yep, I have a wife,’ And most of them were like, ‘Oh, cool,’ and then we went on with our day,” she said. “So I would say this, this season is when it officially came out.”
In retrospect, she said she would like to have taken at least one more spring and fall rowing season with the team before possibly stepping down, particularly in light of the support she’s received. But Mrs. MacKinnon said she worried some situation would arise that would come to overshadow the team, such as if a student came out to her and a parent blamed her somehow for their child being gay.
But despite how her resignation has played out, Mrs. MacKinnon said she does hope some positive outcome comes of it. And maybe one day she’ll even be welcomed back to coach.
“I hate causing a wreck. This has just given me so much anxiety because I'm that person that just kind of fades into the corner, and I like it that way,” she said. “But this is something that I believe in. This is who I am. And I'm not going to hide that.
“And I want to show, not just the girls on the rowing team, but you know, people at Notre Dame and everyone that you are who you are, and you shouldn't be ashamed to hide it.”
First Published November 17, 2022, 10:12 p.m.
