It’s a Thursday morning, and Steve Fuller is getting ready to leave his house. He’s looking for his shirt, trying to put on his socks.
On any other weekday, Mr. Fuller would already be at work, running his mowing and snow removal business. But today is not like any other day.
Mr. Fuller is getting ready for visitation hours at the funeral home for his 13-year-old son, Aaron.
On Jan. 11, Aaron Fuller hanged himself with a belt in his bedroom.
And Mr. Fuller believes his son’s suicide was a result of bullying he endured as a sixth-grade student at Lake Middle School.
“Every night when I go upstairs, his room is right across from ours, and I look in there and I still can’t believe it, I still say goodnight to him and tell him that I love him,” Mr. Fuller said. “I can’t say it hasn’t sunk in that he’s gone, but I don’t want to believe it. I just can’t believe it right now.”
According to Mr. Fuller and Aaron’s stepmother, Tami, Aaron had been dealing with bullies at school since the previous school year. It was a situation they said they had taken to the administration and staff at Lake Local Schools, but the family, who live in Northwood, claims little was done to help Aaron.
“[The bullying] has to stop,” Mr. Fuller said. “People have to learn. ... These kids aren’t just getting bullied, but they know if they go say something to a teacher or someone else, they’re the next one who is going to get picked on or beat up.”
When contacted for comment, Lake Local Schools superintendent Jim Witt emailed a statement, which read: “Our school family is heartbroken over the death of our student, Aaron Fuller. Our prayers go out to Aaron’s family and friends during this most difficult time. All of us who knew Aaron are grieving and will miss him very much. At this time, due to an ongoing police investigation and potential litigation, the district will have no further comments regarding this matter.”
In a phone interview, Witt added: “We continue to grieve with the family. We are praying for them, and we hope that they are able to find some peace and solace.”
PROBLEMS AT SCHOOL
Kids mocked Aaron when he forgot to pack his lunch and didn’t have money, telling him that his parents must not love him enough to feed him.
They made fun of the way he dressed. There were certain shirts he refused to wear. Every morning, he would trade out a pair of new shoes from Walmart for an old pair of Nikes — so old, the soles were falling off. But the name brand was better to ward off the taunts.
Earlier this school year, the bullying spread onto social media. The bullies told Aaron he should kill himself. Aaron responded, trying to stand up for himself. His family turned to the school, but according to them, school officials said there was nothing the school could do because Aaron participated in the back-and-forth exchange.
“When we send our kids to school every day, we assume they’re going to be safe,” Tami Fuller, Aaron’s stepmother, said. “It’s a safe zone, but it’s not.”
Aaron’s first suicide attempt was in September. He found a bottle of rum Mr. and Mrs. Fuller received for their wedding nearly four years prior. Mr. Fuller found his son in a pool of his own vomit.
Aaron claimed he wasn’t trying to kill himself, only to make the bullying and pain stop. He began seeing a counselor.
He started to show interest in art and music. His uncle, Josh Tooley, bought him an art set, and Aaron wanted to design a tattoo for his dad. With his Christmas money, Aaron bought an electric guitar, bass, amp, and stands online. He even negotiated the price with the seller so he could have enough money left to buy guitar picks.
“He was the most loving kid,” Mr. Tooley said. “Whenever you saw him, it was always a big hug and fist bump, let’s get the party started.”
He seemed to be doing fine. Even during an appointment with his counselor the day before his suicide, Aaron was smiling and laughing, saying everything was going to be OK.
But the bullying didn’t stop. Classmates told the Fullers that Aaron stopped standing up for himself, staying quiet instead, and storming out of the lunchroom.
According to Lisa Pescara-Kovach, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Toledo and director of the Center for Education in Targeted Violence and Suicide, some youths don’t see the worth or need in putting up a fight anymore.
“They don’t feel worth anything,” she said. “I get so frustrated when people say kids need to defend themselves; not every kid feels good enough to defend themselves. If you’re bullied and you’re suffering from depression, you’re not going to defend yourself. You don’t feel like you deserve to do that.”
‘I CAN’T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU’
Mr. Fuller found out his son had taken $135, intended to pay the balance of a school camping trip, and instead put it on his school lunch account. He grounded Aaron and sent him to his room.
Aaron came downstairs to use the bathroom and was crying, upset about getting in trouble.
The Fullers left the two boys at home to run errands and pick up dinner. They were gone perhaps 45 minutes.
When they returned, Mr. Fuller called for both boys. Joseph came upstairs from the basement, but Aaron remained in his room, so the older brother went to get him for dinner.
And that’s when Mr. Fuller heard him yell.
“The first words out of [Joseph’s] mouth were, ‘Aaron, no, what did you do? I can’t do this without you,’ ” Mr. Fuller said.
He raced upstairs and found Joseph cradling Aaron, the belt still around his neck. Mrs. Fuller, a nurse, did CPR, told Mr. Fuller how to do it, and they continued for 30 minutes until the ambulance arrived.
It was too late.
“I have so many friends and family telling me it’s not my fault, even though I yelled at him or anything, I couldn’t have done anything about it,” Mr. Fuller said. “That’s what makes you feel so helpless — no matter what you do to take care of your kids, you can’t be around them 24 hours a day, and you rely on other people to help you out with that.”
ABSOLUTION FOR AARON
A week after Aaron’s suicide, his family will lay him to rest. But the effects of the bullying and Aaron’s death don’t end with a funeral.
Mr. Fuller has pulled Joseph out of school, choosing to homeschool the 15-year-old until he can figure out what’s next. The two boys were best friends, and the Fullers are afraid of what actions Joseph might take.
“That’s something that’s going to be with [Joseph] for the rest of his life,” Mr. Fuller said. “The bully didn’t only do this to Aaron, it’s affecting our whole family.”
Mr. Fuller is also worried about his older daughter, 19-year-old Sarah. He said Aaron’s mother, Cris Fuller, is so devastated she can’t even drive right now.
Being so young, Aaron didn’t have life insurance, leaving the cost of his funeral uncovered. But a GoFundMe campaign exceeded the goal of $7,000 within five days.
The Fullers want others to know Aaron’s story, hoping it will help a parent or a kid in a similar situation somewhere. There has to be some good to come from this tragedy.
“If your kid’s being bullied, stay on them. Stay on the school, just stay on it,” Mrs. Fuller said.
Mr. Fuller added: “Don’t assume you know everything that’s going on, because you don’t.”
According to Danielle Cisterino-Hajdu, project director of the Teen PEP Program at ProMedica Toledo Children’s Hospital, keeping open communication is vital in monitoring the mental well-being of a child or teenager.
“You have to establish a rapport with your child very early of talking about things,” she said. “I try to make a habit of every day talking with my son, ‘How was your day? How are your friends treating each other? Who did you sit with at lunch?’ These sound like really mundane questions, but they help me to establish a baseline for what’s going on in his everyday life. Then when it deviates, it helps me know when something is going on.”
But even with that, the Fullers still feel helpless and frustrated.
“No matter what you do, you don’t know if it’s going to be enough,” Mr. Fuller said.
The program Ms. Cisterino-Hajdu leads is focused on kindness. It may seem like such a simple concept, but as the Fullers know, sometimes that smile or kind word can go a long way.
“There’s such an alarming trend of meanness in our culture,” Ms. Cisterino-Hajdu said. “We have to remember our kids are doing what is modeled to them. I know it sounds very basic, but why is kindness not valued more? If you talk to kids, they’ll say kindness is viewed as weakness. I think that’s a big problem, and until we start to look at it, this stuff is going to continue.”
The Fullers hope Aaron’s short life, and his death, can bring awareness and help to others suffering from bullying.
But it won’t fill the hole Mr. Fuller feels without his son.
“There’s nothing I won’t miss about him, even having to yell at him,” Mr. Fuller said, holding a picture of Aaron, “from having to yell at him to being able to hug him, just seeing him sit across the table, smiling.”
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
First Published January 19, 2019, 12:00 p.m.
